castle conversations
|
| home | archives | email me | my other blog |
|
God has this interesting way of helping me learn about myself. this week i realized that i haven't really been myself... it's kind of a scary thought, because i look back, and then i find myself asking... who am i really then, if i'm not being myself? i realized that this week i have completely lost focus of what drives me, what inspires me... i ignored God and told myself i could be something that i'm not. when God told me i was wrong, it came through a series of overwhelming emotions... but now that i can see what God was trying to tell me, i am glad that it happened. i need to get back to focusing my life on Jesus Christ and his mission. to follow him and get others to follow him, no matter the cost. pursuing anything less is a waste of time... and by pursuing this mission, everything else that we need will be given to us in abundance. it's so funny that we always think we know better than God... trying to be in control of our lives. i do it all the time, and learn the lesson over and over... but yet i cannot seem to stop the sinfulness. who i am is really just a broken, messed up sinful person with a lot of baggage, but who i am is also a redeemed child of God who, because i am free from all that baggage in Christ, should be doing everything for His glory. i think i realized that i am both of those things this week in my attempts to hide my brokenness, and in doing a lot of things that are not pleasing to Him. anyway, what does all this mean? it means that i need to forget everything except for the fact that i cling to Jesus alone for all of my needs, and that i follow Him in every way possible. nothing could be more important. it is fitting that i'm learning all of this as school is finally over... i think God wants to set the stage for this next act in my life. i just need to let Him be the director.
this week i read in my devotions that often our strengths are our biggest downfalls. i think that definitely speaks to what's going on in my life right now. sometimes i try to present myself in a certain way, but inside i'm not as strong or as confident as i may seem on the outside. it makes sense that our strengths are often our weaknesses, because those are the things that we think we've got taken care of... the things we don't need God for. if we know we're really weak in something, it's almost easy to rely on God. but, for things that we think we're good at, we tend to forget that even then we can't do anything at all... and that we must lean on the Lord in everything. i've been learning a lot about myself and the people around me during this last week of school. it seems that everyone is in a reflective mood. getting a better understanding of who i am has been important in knowing what to pray for when i ask God to make me into the person He desires me to be. something significant that i've learned is that i really struggle with intimacy and vulnerability with my friends. i'm so scared to let down my guard and reveal what's inside. perhaps that's been because i grew up very withdrawn and shy. in any event, this struggle with intimacy is serious because it also affects my intimate relationship with God. it's strange to be learning about this because i've always thought that i thrived on deep personal connections with people. i guess i thought i had them, but i don't. at least not to the degree that i would hope for in a friendship or any kind of relationship. anyway, tying the whole strengths/weaknesses thing together, i think i need to rely on God to help me be more open and vulnerable. when i'm more willing to share who i am, i will be able to relate to people better and to minister to their needs, as well as allow others to minister to me when i am in need. it's hard to do any of that when you close yourself off all the time. so, if you guys ever catch me trying to keep that wall up, help me take it down... :) i encourage you to also strive to be vulnerable with your friends... it really pleases God when we admit that we are weak and need Him completely.
I wish that someone had told me the "last words" was for seniors to read... because i wrote this uber-long sermon geared mostly towards people not graduating yet! anyway, i thought i should share it since the people who i wanted to read it didn't get to! here ya go... *** Every year at Senior Send-Off, I hear the phrase “invest in people.” Although I completely agree, here’s a new challenge: Invest in OTHER people! One of my biggest regrets of the past four years is not having much of a life outside of CCF and academics. While I have loved every moment of being in the CCF community, there is much that I underestimated about the rest of the college campus. It’s too late for me, but not for you! Get involved in other clubs, activities, events… meet and get to know other people! This will be a great witnessing tool that I regret I did not utilize enough. Part of being in CCF is not only strengthening one another, but also being visible in the rest of the community. We will not make any difference if we get stuck in our “Asian Christian Bubble.” Join a club, participate in other Christian events, take a class in a different field, befriend your coworkers, do community service, get to know your hallmates! Do something uncomfortable. You may be having a blast with CCFers, but after a few years, you will look back and realize that there was so much more this school had to offer you, and so much more you could have offered the school. Four years is short. Make the most of it! There’s so much that I could say about how I’m feeling as I leave CCF and UofM. It’s hard to imagine who I would be without all my experiences in the past four years. God has been gracious to me in providing me a place to grow and serve. I’d like to encourage you all to allow God to change and work in you as you’re getting ready to be released into the world. College is a wonderful opportunity for Christian community, service, and growth. In addition, God can alter your life’s path during college in ways you’d never expect. Don’t shut Him out when He calls, for He often calls you to places of discomfort (like Jesus!) Instead, ask Him to equip you to accomplish His work and be obedient to whatever He asks of you. To underclassmen, I trust that God has left CCF in good hands. Continue to pray, look to Jesus, and strive to further His kingdom on this campus! I’ll be back to check up on y’all! Best wishes to all of my fellow seniors. It’s been a wonderful four years. The memories we’ve shared will always stay with me! Continue to deepen your relationship with Jesus, serve Him in everything you do, and stay in touch! I love you all very much and I can’t wait to see you at all of your weddings! (Need a planner?)
|
|
visitors
welcome back to the castle conversation... where i'm not in a castle, and it's not really a conversation. :)
verse of the week
"Conisder how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor dressed like one of these... But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." ~ Luke 12:27,31
archives
credits
webdesign by maystar designs powered by blogger comments by haloscan All rights reserved. Content copyright test 2003. |